I was born into a family, with both parents being alcoholics. It was something that my whole family kept hidden from the outside world for a long time. In 2003, my mom died of her addiction and I vowed that I would never allow myself or my family to be touched by addiction again.
Fast forward to 2012, my family’s life was completely surrounded by addiction and we were living in denial. What started off as just an evening out on the town for my husband, turned into weekends of benders that were uncontrollable. I knew the road he was traveling down would lead him to the same destination of my mom.
I often told myself he just doesn’t love me and the kids enough to get help or to stop. Even though I knew it was a disease, I thought he could just stop. In 2018 he ended up getting arrested three times within a six month period and every time I helped bail him out.
In March of 2019 he went on a bender and was arrested. This time I told him I would not bail him out and the only way he was welcome back in our home was after he went to treatment and to a sober living program. He agreed to go. After he left for treatment I thanked God that he was going and prayed that this would fix my husband. That’s when God revealed to me that I had been spending too much time and energy on my husband’s recovery and it was time I started to focus on my recovery.
In August of 2019 I began attending Finding Hope. That’s when I finally fully surrendered my recovery and my husband’s recovery to the Lord. I found a group of people that truly understood what I was going through and that spoke so much truth into my life. I learned it’s ok to set boundaries even when he didn’t agree with them.
I learned that I’m NOT alone. There are so many loved ones out there that have walked this road before me, with me, and those that are walking it behind me. I learned it’s NOT my fault. There is nothing I did that caused my husband to become an alcoholic. Lastly, there is always HOPE. No matter how bad things get there is hope. No matter if my husband stays sober or not there is hope and I will be ok.
In the rooms of the Finding Hope meetings I have a family that encourages me to stay focused on my recovery and prays for my husband and our family daily. I found a passion to help lead other loved ones of addicts to walk their own path of healing and recovery. Today, I get to help lead one of the Finding Hope meetings in South Oklahoma City. The members in that meeting give me so much hope and encouragement. It is truly a blessing to walk this journey with each of them. I have learned it’s ok to not be ok but not to stay in the pain. To grab hold of what God says about me and to trust him in all things.
“For I know the plans I have for you, says the Lord. They are plans for good and not for disaster, to give you a future and a hope. In those days when you pray, I will listen. If you look for me wholeheartedly, you will find me. I will end your captivity and restore your fortunes. I will gather you out of the nations where I sent you and will bring you home again to your own land.” Jeremiah 29:11-14,
The Lord knew our family was going to walk through this valley and He promises that He would turn it all for good and to His glory.
