Hello, my name is Lindsay Cutbirth, an employee of the ministry Hope Is Alive, and an alumni of the program. I began my journey and living in my calling a few years ago, and it has blessed my life tremendously. The “why” behind what I do each and every day is greatly in part being a Mom who lost her way and became a person I did not recognize.
My story may look a little different since I didn’t begin struggling with my addiction until my mid-thirties. I had back-to-back surgeries that led to me becoming addicted to opiates for 8 years. At that time I had been married for 21 years, a military wife for 15 years, and had two amazing children. Let’s just say we looked like an all-American family until we no longer did. My ex began using after he retired and with our codependent relationship, it literally was the perfect storm. The verbal and physical abuse entered into my life leaving me shattered and a broken woman. Living out of hotels with my family, eventually, my parents had witnessed enough destruction and took me to court to gain custody of my daughter. The toxic life continued and I turned to fentanyl and meth. My world kept unraveling because everything I cherished had been taken, so I spiraled out of control more and more. I knew who God was being raised as a Southern Baptist pastor’s granddaughter. I was running from God and myself!! My family fought and prayed for me with each passing day, but also putting solid boundaries up with me. Ultimately I had to be the one to make that decision and surrender it all to God. I wasn’t sure it would work, but it was better than where I was standing at the time in my life.
I had to go from almost losing my life due to health complications from my addiction, thirty-seven days of rehab, and finding a new way of living my life at Hope Is Alive. I was broken and a shell of a person when I walked in the doors. I lived in so much fear of the unknown and the future. Where was I to start and begin the challenge of healing? It was a learning experience and I learned to trust individuals around me and open up. Putting one foot in front of the other. I was 41 years old and starting a new life. My parents had adopted my daughter, and I was not allowed to have contact. My son was an adult and was not having anything to do with me from all I had put him and his sister through in the years of my addiction. My words held no value, and that is when I let my family know, “Just watch me!” It took determination and hard work each and every single day. Laying a lot of pain down and learning to forgive not only others but myself the most.
I was working on my program and was accepting an internship with the organization that had helped radically change my life. I knew at that moment God was calling me to something that exceeded my expectations, and that blessings were coming. I just had to have faith and trust in God’s plan for me. It led to having my children back in my life, and them trusting what I said.
I get up every morning grateful that I get to be an example to other Moms. The reason I keep fighting for them is that I have their backs with each challenge that is put in front of them. They want to be the moms they have always dreamed of and I want them to know it is possible. Seeing the light and pride shining out of them when they get in contact with their children and the first time they get to hold their child in their arms after years of not being able to do that. It is sacrificial love just as Jesus had for us. I get to witness families being brought back together and women being the example that Jesus is Always the Answer!!
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