Communicating with Substance Abusers (Pt. 2)

Communicating with Substance Abusers: Part 2 | Finding Hope | Week of March 10-16

Communicating with a loved one who is battling substance abuse can feel like shouting underwater, like no matter what you say, your words go unheard and your emotions get dismissed. It’s exhausting. It’s frustrating. It’s painful.

Last week we talked about the importance of boundaries, pausing before you speak, and using positive “I feel” statements. This week I want to challenge you to truly practice setting those boundaries and writing out those positive “I feel” statements.

The Power of Boundaries

Healthy communication starts with clear and firm boundaries:

• If they are under the influence, do not engage.
• If they are yelling or being verbally abusive, walk away.
• If they send cruel or manipulative text messages or emails, don’t respond.

Instead, protect your peace by saying:

• “I will talk to you when you are sober.”
• “I will not engage in conversations that are disrespectful.”

Remember: You are not responsible for their reaction. You are responsible for protecting your well-being.

How to Speak So They Hear You

Rather than starting with “you” statements that feel like attacks, use “I feel” statements to express your emotions without escalating the conflict:

Don’t say_: “You always ruin our evenings.”_

Do say:_ “I enjoy our time together when you're sober.”_

Don’t say: “You’re so selfish when you drink.”

Do say: “I feel hurt when your drinking takes priority over our time together.”

These small shifts can create a more productive dialogue.

Your Challenge This Week

Take a moment to write down two boundaries you will uphold when communicating with your loved one, as well as writing out as many of your positive “I feel” statements as you need.

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Ephesians 4:29 ESV