My name is Brie and I am a recovering alcoholic. Today I am blessed to work for a ministry where I get to share the gospel with people while also leading them out of the bondage of addiction. However, there was a time when it was me who needed recusing and I was desperate for it and looking in all the wrong places. Let me share a quick story of what it was like, what happened, and where I am now.
I grew up in a home that was extremely dysfunctional. I never knew my mom and dad as a couple. They split when I was a baby, my dad worked a lot and had his own bondage, I only ever knew my mom as an addict, and I was passed around a lot to whoever could take care of me at that time. So I never felt like I belonged or had a home. When I got into middle school my dad passed away and my stepdad got diagnosed with stage 4 terminal lung cancer and my freshman year of high school he passed away too. Once I lost my dad I started dabbling.. In well, anything. It started with weed, then boys, self-harm, and rage. Really anything that made me forget the pain I was feeling. Then in high school when I lost my stepdad I just dove deeper into those things that “helped” me cope. Pills and cocaine were next on the list and I was just having fun, doing what I wanted. I left home at 14 and moved in with my boyfriend at the time. Played varsity sports and graduated high school early, all while “maintaining” my addiction.
Things got worse. I went to college, my granddad got sick, I moved back home, my relationship has now turned very abusive and I am struggling with an eating disorder on top of everything else. But I could not let my family down after all I was the caretaker. So I moved home to walk through the last six weeks of my grandpa’s life with him, the cancer took him fast in a brutal way and once it did that was all she wrote. Soon after I became addicted to fentanyl, Xanax, meth, really anything and everything. I went through 5 years of hardcore opiate addiction before getting in trouble with the law but once it swirled it went fast. I had moved back in with my mom who was in full-blown addiction as well and as you can imagine that relationship became more toxic and more codependent as time went on.
I got arrested multiple times for trafficking narcotics, larceny, grand theft auto, selling drugs, and the list could go on. Until finally I wanted to make a change. I was so defeated and desperate. On the edge of ending my life any way I could figure out, God did for me what I could not do for myself. Placed me in jail with no way of getting out. After that I went to sober living, and I started praying and searching for a God of my understanding, I found Jesus, got baptized, stepped into leadership, and started helping women who were coming behind me on their new journeys. Then I moved halfway across the country and started working for Hope is Alive. Then tragedy struck again and I wasn’t sure how I was going to stay sober.. My mom passed away from her addiction. My worst nightmare came true, and I was angry, sad, grieving, confused, lost.
I went back to the basics and found a home group, sponsor, church, therapist, and friends.. Community and went back to one minute at a time. Eventually, after lots of healing, praying, seeking, and talking I forgave my mom and I forgave myself. I stayed sober and I healed from something with the help of friends and Jesus that I never thought I would ever get over..
Why am I telling you all of this? Well for a couple of reasons. First, no matter what you have walked through in life or no matter what you are going through there is another way.. A better way! Two, on the days I didn’t want to get up and do it, the days I wanted to quit, and the days I didn’t want to get out of bed I remembered my momma. The person I once resented more than anyone/thing in the world had now become my why and my passion. See, what I learned was a new perspective. My mom loved me, she was just someone walking through life for the first time trying to figure it out too. She got lost in her vices but she was my biggest fan and loved me more than anything in the world, and today I know that.
I miss her dearly but she is the fire in my heart and spark in my eye on why I keep going every day. People need to be free, people need help, and there are kids out there who need their parents back. I don’t want to stop until that is complete. So today I work for a ministry, I help other recovering addicts, I am married to a wonderful man, I have family restoration, a car, no more legal troubles, and a beautiful relationship with God. My greatest pain was my greatest purpose. So thank you momma and thank you Jesus for turning me around and placing this calling on my life.
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