Communicating with Substance Abusers (Pt. 1)

Communicating with Substance Abusers | Finding Hope | Week of March 3-9

Do you feel like you're talking to a door?

Do you feel like you're on a carousel, going in circles?

Do you feel like you need a suit of armor just to get through a conversation?

Communication is difficult under the best circumstances, but when you're speaking with a loved one who struggles with substances, it can feel impossible. Their words may be harsh, their actions unpredictable, and their responses unreliable.

So how can we communicate effectively while protecting our own emotional well-being? Here are three ways:

1) Set Boundaries

You have the right to decide what is acceptable in your interactions. If you feel disrespected or manipulated, you do not have to engage. Some boundaries might include:

• Refusing to engage in conversations when they are under the influence
• Walking away if they raise their voice or become aggressive
• Not responding to rude or cruel text messages

For example, you might say:

“If I feel like they are under the influence, I will not engage in conversation.”

“If I feel like the text message is rude, I will delete it and not respond.”

2) Pause Before You Engage

Before having a conversation, ask yourself:

1. Are they sober? If not, then it is not the time to engage in conversation.
2. Am I emotionally prepared to have this conversation?
   1. If not, then take time to pray, reflect, and regain your peace before proceeding.
   2. If yes,  then use a positive “I feel” statement.

3) “I Feel” Statements

People respond more positively when we clearly express what we want them to DO rather than just telling them what to STOP. When we only point out what to avoid, they may not know the right action to take. Giving clear direction on the desired behavior reduces confusion and improves communication.

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Don’t Say: “You never listen to me when I talk.”

Do Say: “I feel unheard when you don’t respond to me.”

Don’t Say: “You always embarrass me when you drink.”

Do Say: “I enjoy our time together when you stay sober.”

Shifting your words can shift the outcome of your conversations. Stay firm in your boundaries, express yourself with clarity, and remember—you are not alone in this journey.

“Let no corrupting talk come out of your mouths, but only such as is good for building up, as fits the occasion, that it may give grace to those who hear.” Ephesians 4:29 ESV